forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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