waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
