Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
