I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
