also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
