I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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