so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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