ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Of course I have a pirate flag
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Randomize
