Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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