Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
