i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
