I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
