I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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