So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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