I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize