All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
