I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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