My room smells like vodka and shame
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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