it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
