I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
