I don't remember. Are we still dating?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
