Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Boobs speak an international language.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
