And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
