He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
