sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Randomize
