Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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