Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
So much Jack, so little girl.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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