dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
