wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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