Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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