guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
