I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
