she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
