Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Damn victory sex feels great
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
