Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Randomize
