is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
