She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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