he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
