WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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