blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
