There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
