I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
