Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize