I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I came so hard my ears popped.
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