got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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