You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
