o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
