Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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