u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
