Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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