yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
