You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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