YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
