I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
