i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
