tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
