they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
