my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
