I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
