I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
