I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
