On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize