I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
