There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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