i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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