pop tarts are not kleenex
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
