you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
