My room smells like vodka and shame
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
