he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
