I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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