So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
