i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
