Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize