he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
