just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
