i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
