Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
