i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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