you win again, gameday.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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