nut hugger
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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