i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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