who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
