I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
