did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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