So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
