I think I am morally bankrupt
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
