I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I need to calm my uterus...
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
