I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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