This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
