cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
ugly people sure do ruin things
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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