I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
