how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
