So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize